Why our children are less patient and more lonely and spoiled than a generation ago
The author of this article, Becky Mansfield, a mother of four children, a primary school teacher and a play therapist with many years of experience, shared her advice on raising children today.
"Study after study confirms what is already obvious: today's children are less patient, more lonely and more spoiled than previous generations,
This is a terrible truth facing our children. This is a path along the slopes.
As a teacher and therapist, I have worked with various children and parents for many years. I see with my own eyes how children's social and emotional skills are constantly deteriorating, not to mention their academic performance. Today's children are not prepared for life. They expect more but do less.
They go to school, but it is difficult for them to study and concentrate. They want to do more, but they can't focus.
Loneliness, impatience, inflated expectations... Where does it all come from?
The reason is simple: the way we live today affects our children. All these latest technologies, modern trends and latest inventions. While we all want the best for our children, unfortunately, we ourselves lead them down the path of least preparedness for life.
1. The problem of screen time
Children spend a lot of time in front of screens. This takes away their time for games and reading.
As a result, their attentiveness decreases, the habit of instant gratification develops, etc.
Children lose the ability to focus and listen carefully, because they get used to the fact that everything should be fast and necessarily interesting. From virtual reality, it is very difficult for a child to return to the real one.
Children are immersed in smartphones, tablets and laptops with their heads, and then get annoyed when they are distracted. In the ordinary world, they are "bored" - they are used to constant stimulation.
2. The problem of boredom
We are always busy, so that the child is not bored, we usually give him a phone, tablet or player. But the problem is that we are harming her!
Why? Because we are depriving her of the opportunity to entertain herself, to find solutions, to use creative thinking.
In turn, we also spend little meaningful time with our children (jointly staring at the tablet screen does not count). We do not communicate with them.
Children depend on gadgets because we don't know how to entertain them and they haven't learned how to entertain themselves.
3. The problem of independent decisions
Giving children everything they want, parents are guided by good intentions. We all want the child to be happy, feel needed and smile.
Thus, we raise people who are incapable of experiencing happiness.
I often hear from parents: "She doesn't eat vegetables, so I don't offer them to her"; "If he goes to bed at the time I say, he will wake up very early"; "She doesn't like to hold my hand in the parking lot."
The problem is that kids are kids. They are not yet mature, mature and intelligent enough to make such decisions on their own.
Children need vegetables for their health. A healthy sleep is necessary for them to get enough sleep and concentrate on their lessons. If you don't hold the child's hand, he can be hit by a car.
And so on. "Let them decide for themselves" is not the best option.
4. The problem of salvation.
Give children the opportunity to express themselves. Do not rush to "save" them in every situation.
Did the child lose his mobile phone? Teach her that she can save her pocket money until she saves up for a new one.
Forgot to do your homework? Let her try to understand the teacher herself.
It is not easy. No parent (mother) wants to see a child suffering, upset or angry. But solving all the problems for her, we do not let her learn on her own.
Of course, it is necessary to help children. But let them also learn to deal with the consequences of mistakes. It's better to experience the consequences of small mistakes now (didn't do my homework - got a bad grade) than in adulthood (didn't pay the mortgage - left without a house).
5. The problem of lack of live communication.
According to research, time spent on social media can cause children to feel envious and misperceive that everyone else is having a more interesting and successful life.
Today's children and teenagers communicate too little in person. They do not go for walks and visit each other. They don't play games together.
As a result, they do not learn to recognize emotions and provide support.
After all, these are the most important social skills, on which success in life largely depends! Social skills plus intelligence are the keys to any high-paying job.
And according to some data, the ability to communicate is even more important in building a career than intelligence!
6. The problem of remuneration.
Another important problem of modern times: children expect a reward for everything.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with rewarding a child, but NOT EVERYTHING. This not only makes her spoiled, but also teaches her to expect an external reward instead of an internal sense of satisfaction.
"What will happen to me if I study with excellence?"
"What will you buy me if I keep quiet at the meeting?"
"And what will they give me for doing the cleaning?"
The problem is that while it may be easier for us to reward the child so he doesn't complain, his future boss or wife won't play these games. No one will give her a bonus for getting the job done on time. No one will give her a discount for paying the apartment on time.
Yes, these are hard lessons, but it is better to let the children learn from you that life is NOT ALWAYS interesting and pleasant.
So what to do about it?
Do not despair: there is a solution!
Children can be reeducated. We teach children to go to the toilet, brush their teeth in the morning, or sit patiently during a church service. All these are not innate skills, but acquired.
In the same way, you can change their other habits if you do it constantly and consistently.
1. 10 minutes a day
Set aside 10 minutes a day for communication with the child together. No gadgets, no TV!
Let the child choose what to do. Play games, talk - all this will benefit both of you.
2. Let them be bored
Don't give kids gadgets when they're bored. Let them miss!
This will make their brains start to work and come up with their own entertainment. And this, in turn, will teach them to expect instant gratification.
Boredom is the best way to know yourself.
3. Replace external rewards with internal ones
When I cleaned my room as a child, I did it for speed: I amused myself. While doing homework, I pretended to be a teacher: I amused myself.
Teach this to children. Let them invent how to turn a boring activity into an interesting one, and let their reward be the knowledge that they did a great job.
4. Speak up
Talk at lunch, talk in the car, drop everything when the child comes home from school and talk to him for at least a few minutes (find out what is going on in his life - academically, socially, emotionally). Have dinner without a TV, phone or tablet.
5. Assign duties
Responsibilities increase a child's self-esteem. They teach her to work, monitor and take care of things.
Give the child a task so that he can feel its benefit.
6. Set the rules
Set a clear bedtime.
Set clear rules about snacking (no snacks, no more than one unhealthy meal per day, etc.).
Set a mandatory reading time.
7. Set electronic boundaries
We have a simple rule at home: no electronics during the school week, except for family TV viewing. The laptop can only be used for educational purposes.
Establish similar rules. Do not allow uncontrolled sticking in the phone.
8. Encourage open communication.
Let the child understand that you are always ready to listen to him and help him. Remind her more often: "If you're sad, if you can't handle something, you can always tell me about it."
9. Put YOUR phone away.
Make it a rule to limit your screen time with children. Set a time after which you clean up all the gadgets.
Children should feel a connection with their parents. I once heard a 6-year-old girl say, “Mommy's phone is more important than me. She looks at him all the time, even when she's talking to me."
Children notice!
10. Give an example.
If you want your child to change, you have to change yourself first. Show your child what your priorities are.
Behave the way you want your child to behave and soon he will do the same to you. Let her see how you read a book, wash the dishes, cook food, talk to a person without being distracted by the phone. Demonstrate kindness, consistency, diligence.
Being a parent is the hardest job in life. We have only 18 years to bring up such qualities in a child that will last a lifetime."
Let's not waste time!